Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We are all done wearing pants today
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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