Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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