This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
