I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
