Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
