I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
