In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
That accounts for only three of the penises
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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