it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I need to calm my uterus...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
