his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
