the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Your dad touched me again.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm getting married
To pizza
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
