went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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