I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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