i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
