Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think I won the penis lottery.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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