If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
