I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
