I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
