I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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