I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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