your parents love me but you hate me
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
