i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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