come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize