Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
