You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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