im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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