this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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