Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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