She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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