Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
