No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
