Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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