WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
