oh fat girl friday strikes again...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
