I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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