as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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