how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
