What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
