dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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