I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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