one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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