I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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