I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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