We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
