I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
