He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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