So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize