I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
