Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize