It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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