I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
