The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
