If i come over, it means nothing
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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