when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
