Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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