i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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