I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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