I just made out with a guy for $7.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
