drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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