Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
