I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
