life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
