just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
