sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
