look no pants
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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