playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
