She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
