filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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