I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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